Oh, bugger this.
I have just sat down to work on my novel – instead I find myself drawn to writing a blog post about it instead. Two days ago, I blasted through 40,000 words. Then as I slowed to a halt at around 43k, I realised that I already had the ending worked out and there was no way I would be able to write 7,000 words worth of ending. So I made a list of some scenes I needed to inject to expand the story and had a tentative burst of enthusiasm yesterday, which lasted all of half an hour.
My throat feels like I have attempted to swallow a thousand pins, but they have all got stuck and no matter how much I drink (last night saw vain attempts to numb it with medicinal quantities of vodka), the blasted scratchy things just won’t wash away. So I have plied myself with paracetamol and black coffee, and while my little one sleeps, here I sit in front of my laptop procrastinating, for the first time in perhaps 20 days.
Now it would seem that the powers that be are conspiring against me to stop me from “winning”, as something has come up which will require my attention in approximately 10 minutes, so I see little point in trying to focus this morning when I know that my concentration will be broken as soon as I pick up momentum.
There is hope, however. No matter how much of a mess I think this novel is, with its short bursts of exciting material and its longer, drawn out boring scenes, the following extract from the pep talk from Grant Faulkner has given me a little boost. Because while I stare at the dust bunnies mounting in the corners and the specks of fluff on the carpet, and worry that this story is a load of crap, at least I will have a complete, fully revisable novel, winking and luring me into its pages to be edited and crafted into something that might, just possibly, be worth reading.
“Now many gifted and creative people are perfectionists, so the pandemonium of the creative process can be a source of anxiety and self-criticism. Some people get so turned off by the tumult of their novels that they quit, wash the dishes, and feel a great sense of accomplishment as they gaze at a sparkling sink…
“See what globs of plots you can toss into your stories this week. Splash paint and flip feathers up in the air in your descriptions. Think mish-mash. You’ll have plenty of time to embrace your inner neat freak in revision..” ~ Grant Faulkner
You’re absolutely right, Grant, and I only have 5.5k to go. Yes, I can DO THIS!